Surgery

Jun. 28th, 2017 10:23 am
yukinoomoni: (Eh?)
Hey everyone! I thought it would be wise to drop a line and let those of you interested know that I have surgery tomorrow! Yep, they're finally getting rid of my gallbladder. I'm torn on the whole thing, because I fear nothing will happen, and I'll be getting rid of a perfectly good organ that I need. But then, it could be the source of my almost seven-year pain spree, so there's enough there to warrant the risk, I suppose.

Anyway, I'll update again once it's all done and I feel better. I'm sorry I don't update too much here, but Tumblr has my soul and won't give it back.

How are you?
yukinoomoni: Rage enrages me. (NOOOOOO)
I've been putting this off for way too long, but it has to be done, now. I can't ignore it anymore.

I have to say goodbye to LiveJournal.

They've completely locked me out of my own journal, so I can't even sign in anymore. I don't even know if anyone there can read this post. I hope so. I would hate to vanish without anyone knowing.

I've also been trying to update Dreamwidth when I remember but I often forget. I've been working a lot with WordPress lately, and have three connected blogs through them: a regular one, a health one, and a writing one. Yes, writing. I've decided to go ahead and publish online for free.

There are are many reasons why I'm doing all of these things. The main one is my mortality. I recently have been suffering severe pain that won't go away, and am now forced to wait yet another agony-filled week just to get an ultrasound. So yeah, mortality has come up to bite me lately, and I do not want to die before writing everything I have to offer.

Another thing is fandom. I used to really love it. Hell, I sometimes still write a fanfic or two. But I'm so far out of it now, I know I will never be able to come back (I'm talking Avatar, obviously). And frankly, I'm pretty sure no one has missed me since I've left. Hell, I'm certain if I look, I'll only have like five people following my journal because I haven't updated in so long.

I understand that.

So yeah. If I ever get into LiveJournal again, I don't think I'm going to delete it (too many memories), but I am going to lock it down and private it. I am also going to close down any communities I created, including my writing one (but that one will be archived as well).

I'm sorry, but it's been a long time coming. Should you want to talk to me, please do so on Dreamwidth, as I cannot comment back on LiveJournal. Also, if you want my email address, PM me and I will give it to you gladly. And, if you have WordPress, drop me a line.

I'm crying while typing this. I've been here for over a decade and it breaks my heart. But I do love you all and still want to talk to you. Just not through LJ anymore.

Again, I love you all. I'm sorry. Please contact me. I'll try to update when I can on DW.

Also, here's a recent pic, before I pulled an Azula and cut off all my hair:

Yeeeeah

Apr. 8th, 2014 08:33 pm
yukinoomoni: Rage enrages me. (NOOOOOO)
So... I turned 30 on Saturday.

It's not as bad as it sounds. I had a wonderful time out to dinner with my family, and was glad that both of my older sisters could make it.

It just feels weird. I'm 30. But sometimes I feel either 60 or 15. It makes little sense. I certainly don't feel as if I've earned being 30. I haven't had any successes worth being proud of at the moment. My life is, at best, half over now.

All I can do is start to get serious about getting published. I really want to get something out there, anything, other than fanfiction that nobody reads much of and is never taken seriously ANYWAY. But I'm deeply afraid of rejection that will definitely come with trying to get published, and I lack the type of ego that can easily bounce back following rejection after rejection. And yet, if I write nothing, send nothing, nothing will happen. At least a stack of rejection letters shows that I at least tried.

Right?

I guess I should fully update, but save deep thoughts and fluctuating health of myself and my pets, I've got nothing.

I know I've missed a lot while I've been busy pissing away my time on Twitter and YouTube. Tell me what I've missed here, while I try to catch up on my own friends list.

Duuuuurp.

Hi

Feb. 27th, 2014 03:42 pm
yukinoomoni: (Woman and Wolf)
Some updates:

-I'm on Twitter like a fiend, but will still update here when I can and have something long to say.
-Health is kinda bleh. Tapering my pain meds, so ouch.
-Almost everyone in my friends/family circle are doing well.
-Worried about those who aren't doing well.
-Trying to make an actual difference instead of posing like someone who does.
-I wrote two fanfics this month and plan on writing more. Original fiction is also doing rather well, oddly.
-Reading tons of books. Still feel stupid though =D

Nothing else that I can think of. Did I leave something out?
yukinoomoni: (Youko)
I am mentally ill.

To most people reading this blog, who've read this blog for over a decade, you know this in some way. But it's only lately that I've been able to actually say it frankly, without hesitation, and without shame.

This post will be to the point, detailed, somewhat graphic, and very personal. But I don't care if people know what is going on with me. For the sake of length and possible triggers for suicide, assault, bullying, and self-harm, I will cut this entry, but it stays public.

From here on in, no limits.

Read more... )
yukinoomoni: (Love)
Hey everyone. Sorry for the silence again! I actually was working on the aforementioned project, as well as flying all over the GTA for doctors (not literally, but I was tired enough to make it seem like it after). I'm still working on the project - especially since I overestimated my own readership and popularity and was unable to get enough responses in order to get a good sample. It's nobody's fault but mine =3.

So the project will go on with what I have, but at half of the original plan: 5 instead of 10.

Additionally, my vanishing was accidental as well as incidental. Things didn't seem aligned for me over this time gone, so, yeah. Not going into details.

But, who cares?! Today is September 17th! Eleven years have come and gone, and that guy, what's his name, Terry or something, is still around. What's his deal? One would think we're in love or something. Still. And grossly. Still.

Bah! This post sucks. Sorry.

Fandom:
-I saw Nostalgia Critic's review of The Last Airbender. It was perfect. Mostly. But well worth a watch or five.
-Terry and I saw the second season of Korra begin on the weekend. Many squees and intrigue! No spoilers, here, tho!
-I will be writing fanfic VERY SOON, in THREE fandoms: ATLA, ATLOK, and Shadow Raiders (!).

Also, who keeps recommending my old fanfics? Seriously. They all lack sense now - especially since Aang dies at a different age (52) than previously thought (68). Aaaaargh!

Also, please forgive me for not checking on my friends list any further than a few days. Please let me know if I have missed something.

Okay. Post over.... Now.
yukinoomoni: (Lucina Unmasked)
Hello.

It's been quite a long time, hasn't it? How are you all? What's new? What have I missed? I hope nothing bad.

Read more... )

So, to sum up, I really am still here and around. Just not online. And it was due to fear and loss and both. And I will strive to come online once a week, if just to update my writing (which has been really awesome).

Also, I humble request detailed comments about your own goings-on since I was online last. Even a sentence is okay. I just want to make sure you are all okay, and I think it would take WAY too long to try to read that far back (if I can).

A detailed post following this one will be locked, as it goes into details about personal stuff. So if I have not provided an acceptable explanation, you can probably figure it out from it (maybe). If you are reading this as a public post but would like to know more, just comment here and I will explain as much as I feel comfortable doing so in public. Otherwise, PM me.

Once again, sorry.

And, hello.
yukinoomoni: (Me)
Nim and I spent about a half-hour sitting outside. It's very sunny out, but with a nice cool breeze so that I don't feel too hot. I sipped my extra-sweet coffee from my extra-silly mug and just sat on the cold patio stones, breathing in the air, listening to the planes and trucks and cars, watching the local wildlife, and occasionally hugging my miracle of a hairy daughter, my Nimue. (I hate using the word 'miracle', but if you think about all the shit she's been though, it's kind of apt.)

On days like this I can really feel what my Zen practise is supposed to mean. Instead of worrying about being bored outside without a book or something, I just... watched. Like a nature voyeur, I took in everything, experienced everything, and let my mind kind of go sideways with it. And so did Nim. She occasionally chased after some rodents and barked at some asshole who whistled at her though the fence, but for the most part she just lay in the cool grass and sniffed the air. I learn a lot about Zen from Nim.

It's the most peaceful I've felt in a long time, especially since last night I broke down and sobbed in Terry's arms over the apothecary in my dosette. Balance and all that, I suppose.

So, if you are able, please go outside and breathe in the air, and count the blessings you have around you. It's obvious why I don't need to go into detail about the importance of doing so.

(By the way, the silly mug was a birthday present from my mom. It's a bright pink large mug, and on one side it says 'Fabulous is an Attitude' and on the other, 'We can't all be a Princess; someone has to clap as I go by'. Mom had no idea that the mug had the latter saying on it - she just bought it for the former, which made us both laugh harder over it. Also, on the handle, it says 'You go girl'. It's like a 90s flashback!)

Yo

Dec. 12th, 2012 01:56 pm
yukinoomoni: (Buh?)
Not dead. Just struggling through a really long bout of pain that hasn't gone away.

What did I miss?

Anything you want to know from me?

Shit

Nov. 27th, 2012 07:13 pm
yukinoomoni: (Buh?)
Sorry, I'm not dead. Obviously. I've just been sick and haven't been in the mood for the internet of any kind. Now that I'm on the computer to sift through one of my original stories, I figured it wouldn't hurt to boot up the internet and ensure everyone that I am not dead.

So, here is your reassurance.

I am not dead.

Seriously, there is nothing else to be said. Sorry!

(Posting this public in case there was mass alarm, lol like anyone cares.)
yukinoomoni: (Grin)
Anyone with IBS should go here: http://www.helpforibs.com/

As most of you know, I have been struggling with my health for over two years following an appendectomy. I've had many diagnoses, but the main one has always been IBS (one associated with post-surgery). It's been overwhelming confirmed, now, and that's what I'm being treated for.

Recently, I've been struggling with several GI doctors over what to eat, as the traditional diets I've been given actually aggravate my condition. And yet it's the only one I've been given. Over two years of frustration, ER visits, humiliation; thousands of dollars spent on useless medicines, procedures, second opinions; struggling very hard with pain medicines and addiction to them, to the point of terror. And now, the mental toll it has all taken on both mind and body.

Honestly, I wanted to give up.

It was only by chance, when I typed in "IBS diet help" that I found the above website. I found the diet described (both normal and flare-up) and followed it for two weeks.

And I felt normal.

Do you know how amazing that is? People who have always felt normal don't realise just how precious that is. I had forgotten what it felt like. Isn't that terrible? To just forget a feeling of normalcy?

It wasn't a miracle cure. Indeed, I was still in pain. But the pain had dropped significantly, to the point of one day that I woke with no pain at all, and actually wept from the joy of it.

And then I went back to my GI, and was told I was doing it wrong, and to go back on the high fibre diet. All of my problems came back from day one, and I stuck with it for a week before I realised that not only was I still in pain, I needed the pain medicine way more while on this diet.

So now I'm back on the website's diet, and I already feel better.

How often does this happen? That a website ends up being more accurate than an actual doctor, one that is actually really well-renowned? I genuinely do not understand it. But I do understand my body. I've learnt how to. I've had to learn, and what I'm doing right now is what it needs.

What this all pans down to is this:

If you are reading this and you have IBS, or perhaps something that sounds like what I've gone through (abdominal pain out of nowhere, constipation, diarrhea, exhaustion, as well as general disrespect from the medical community due to most or all tests coming back normal), please do yourself a huge favour and check out the website above. Save yourself the time and click on it. The woman in charge knows what she's talking about, because she had to deal with the same bullshit that I and perhaps you have for twenty years. I actually emailed the website, and after an email the owner herself began helping me out, and even gave me links and guidance on how to explain this all to my doctor.

I have never experienced anything like that before.

So, seriously. They are not paying me in any way. They are not giving me things or have told me to pass along word or a plug. This is just me, wanting to help you, in hopes that the bullshit I've gone through never happens to you. That's really all it is.

Bleh

Dec. 5th, 2011 09:52 pm
yukinoomoni: (Hyperbole 1/2 (Eeeeeeeeee~!))
I missed all the Korra stuff because I was sick.

Worst. Timing. EVER.

Nice Day

Nov. 10th, 2011 10:13 am
yukinoomoni: (Smile)
This morning, I woke up exhausted, but that was my fault since I decided to take a sleeping pill the night before. It worked, mostly, but it does leave me feeling really tired in the morning. Luckily, last night's nausea and pain were mere residues.

I got up, showered and dressed and all of that. After, I found Nim in my room, curled up where I usually sleep. When she saw me come in, she left, but allowed me to hug her before doing so, wagging her tail in a sleepy, crooked circle. Basement Cat Mab made a rare appearance, and she chirped and fell over for me and accepted my affections with no arguments or fear. Milo was a blob at the foot of the stairs, greeting me with a helium meow and a headbutt.

The air outside was crisp and cool - a little grey, but still nice. I couldn't help but feel cheerful, so I was smiling a lot. No one tried to run me over, and lots of people waited for me to cross the street, even smiling back when I smiled and waved in gratitude.

I walked past a woman on my way from the bank, with my head tilted back and looking at the clouds. She saw me looking up and said jovially, "It looks like that might be coming, soon."

For a split second I was unsure of what she meant, but then I got it and I grinned, placed my finger to my lips and said, "Shh, it'll hear you and then it'll happen!"

We both laughed and went on our ways, cheered by our mutual superstition of snow.

My coffee was prepared wonderfully today, nice and sweet. My bagel was delicious.

The store is very quiet, very empty. There isn't much to do, and not a lot of people have come in yet, today.

Right now, there are clouds dark with impending precipitation. In some patches, a glimpse of the sunlight can be seen.

It's a very nice day.
yukinoomoni: (Eeeeeeeeee~!)
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Stress.

Pain in my gut.

Stress from the pain in my gut.

The assholes across the street when they have loud drunken parties.

Nimue's rancid farts.
yukinoomoni: (Hyperbole 1/2 (Eeeeeeeeee~!))
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Stress.

Pain in my gut.

Stress from the pain in my gut.

The assholes across the street when they have loud drunken parties.

Nimue's rancid farts.

Excellent

Oct. 12th, 2011 10:54 am
yukinoomoni: (Youko)
This is an excellent link that explains how hard it is to deal with chronic pain and illness on a daily basis.

Text under the cut )
yukinoomoni: (Hyperbole 1/2 (Eeeeeeeeee~!))
So that you know I'm not all about whining:

I got myself weighed proper yesterday. It's confirmed - I've lost 30 pounds over the course of one year. I guess diet and being sick really pay off?

I finished the pics for that project my sister posted about! I mean, they're just sketches, but I'm super excited. My pictures for an official story! Awesome! I can't show them, obviously, but once the final ones are done, I can link them! Hee~

I left my comb at home today. Why would I do this?

I also need a haircut in the worst way. Tomorrow is payday - I shall get it done tomorrow.

Euphoria is confusing but fun. It's been two weeks and it hasn't gone away yet?! I like you, Lyrica.

It's Sexy Maiko Week? I suppose this means I should PROBABLY finished that fruit tart smut I've already taken too long to write...

I'm hungry. And yet I had breakfast? Stop that!

Okay bye.

Ha-HA!

Jul. 26th, 2011 08:57 am
yukinoomoni: (Grin)
I WALKED TO WORK TODAY.

Why?

I was running late because sleep loves me and I love it. So I missed THREE BUSES. So I was like, FUCK. Then I said "Fuck IT."

AND I WALKED.

I mean, I know that sounds pretty boring, but consider this: I haven't been able to walk to work in months. Additionally, certainly not without the help of a cane. I not only could, but I did it without hurting myself.

I cried a bit when I was almost done. Stupid, but happy. I suppose a few of you understand, but yeah. I dunno.

If it puts it into perspective for you, I was only mildly frustrated when I discovered yet another clogged and shitty toilet for me to deal with this morning. So, yeah. Again, that should help you understand how big a deal this is for me.

So...

Jul. 18th, 2011 03:13 pm
yukinoomoni: (Ball!Holo)
Does or has anyone on my friends page ever had Biliary Dyskinesia? I'm looking for an honest, first-person perspective on this, because I need to know my options and warnings and stuff I should know before anything else.

I've been doing lots of research on it, since it appears to be the mostly likely condition that I have out of the two. They say that the only cure for it is the removal of the gallbladder, but even then they state that more often than not there is still quite a bit of pain left over. And, apparently, it causes more harm than good, especially if the gallbladder removed is still functioning (they say it should only be removed if it's diseased, really stoned or likely to burst).

So I'm asking generally and keeping this post open in case a drive-by journal happens to see it and have an answer, but...if I'm diagnosed with biliary dyskinesia, what are my options? What do I do? Is there a way to cure it without removing my gallbladder? How do I get myself healthy again?

So...

Jul. 18th, 2011 03:13 pm
yukinoomoni: (Ball!Holo)
Does or has anyone on my friends page ever had Biliary Dyskinesia? I'm looking for an honest, first-person perspective on this, because I need to know my options and warnings and stuff I should know before anything else.

I've been doing lots of research on it, since it appears to be the mostly likely condition that I have out of the two. They say that the only cure for it is the removal of the gallbladder, but even then they state that more often than not there is still quite a bit of pain left over. And, apparently, it causes more harm than good, especially if the gallbladder removed is still functioning (they say it should only be removed if it's diseased, really stoned or likely to burst).

So I'm asking generally and keeping this post open in case a drive-by journal happens to see it and have an answer, but...if I'm diagnosed with biliary dyskinesia, what are my options? What do I do? Is there a way to cure it without removing my gallbladder? How do I get myself healthy again?
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