I don't get it

[yukinoomoni]

I don't get why people are making me feel guilty over this friends cut I made. I didn't deny one bit that it was selfish, but instead of protesting, they're making me feel like shit. A simple "do not cut" would have sufficed.

The simple fact of the matter is that making me feel worse doesn't help. In fact, it makes me feel alienated and isolated, and it makes me just want to delete this fucking thing altogether.

The one thing that everyone focused on was the fact that people got cut. If you don't want to be cut, say something, but don't make me feel like a pile of shit for having the feelings I do. I'm sure you would feel the same way in my place.

EDIT: And yet, I'm such a stupid idiot that no wonder people get upset with me. I honestly do not blame anyone for being pissed. I'm such a fucking idiot, I don't blame anyone for not wanting a thing to do with me. So don't worry. No matter what was said, I'm far, far worse than that, and it's all my fault anyways.

Bottom line: My problem is many things. I'm a drama whore. I'm a perpetual victim, and I'm a coward. This means the following:

I let people take advantage of me, I throw up a huge stink about it, and then I run away from it all. That's what I am.

Comments

[acexkeikai.livejournal.com]

Okay first off

People who say: No one is an island should be kicked in the butt. Cause when it comes down to it's this... when you are feeling bad, you are alone, when you are down on your luck you are alone.

That being said, even if you feel no one cares about you, you'd be surprised how many people do care... People won't say anything most of the time, that doesn;t mean they don't care about you. They just don't know what to say to make you feel better or are afraid you might fly off the handle.

People do feel when you aren't feeling good and have a cloud over you and they think...oups I better step back and let her have some time alone cause... I really don't know how to make her feel better. Have you ever thought of that?

I used to put myself in a cercle of self-doubt and misery, I was driving people away from me... and you know what *I* was the one that caused it because I took things way too personally. I thought everything was directed at me, anger, if something didn't go the way I wanted... it was my fault.

Now I am not saying you should sparkle and smile and everything will be all right. But you have you set yourself boundaries... think of it as a bubble around you that bubble is your personal space and no one can come in there. You also have to learn that not all is your fault and if people are going to be bitches... then fine..let them... Laugh even. IF they tell you something tell yourself it's JUST THEIR POV... it shouldn't be yours. You have your own reality and your own perceptions. When they realise that their words can't affect you they will stop.

Yes some people will leave you but you know what? it's life and life is always in motion, you loose friend, you make new friends and that's that. Your friends have friends you don't like? well don't associate with them. Tell your friend: tell them so and so I am not comfortable with them around. If they respect you they will understand.

Believe me, Been there done that and all I can tell you is thinkof your bounderies, stop worrying about what people might think, you shouldn't care what they think. Think about yourself and what is best for you. Even if it means you will loose friend. Even as we age we still grow up and I think you need to focus about yourself and think about what you want, in life and in friendship.

It's better to have a few good friends than have a bunch of backstabbers anyday. I am just trying to help you out because that call out for help I had my own. I workled my way through it... it's not easy, self-work never is... but know that once you have done it, you will feel much better and have a better outlook.

If you want to cut me it's fine... I don't comment much on your LJ because well I don't know much about you... or it's related to things I know nothing about. I hope what I have just told you will be helpfull. Just hang in there ok?

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

So, are people making veiled references or something?

Either there wasn't much going on, or there was and you just need space from whatever was happening. If something completely wrong has happened, let the finger-pointing commence, but if nothing evil happened, it's better to reflect on one's own actions before looking for verbal ammunition.

The verb, "fume" doesn't suggest any kind of effective action. It's generally what people resort to when they can't overturn what has been said.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

*I'm talking about other people pointing fingers. I don't know what's been said on either side, but I can't imagine that you'd deserve the Spanish Inquisition. I mean, nobody deserves the Spanish Inquisition.

Also, you shouldn't find minor flaws in yourself and try to mold them into defining traits. If this keeps going, soon you'll imagine that you're growing horns and a goatee, and that bizarre mental image will haunt you forever.

Tara, you're a lot more awesome than you think you are. If other people want to accuse you of bad stuff as much as you're accusing you of bad stuff, then they're just being sourpusses. Don't let them drag your mood down to theirs. If you do that, the goatee will have won.

[mlik.livejournal.com]

I think some people read too much into the LJ concept of "friends." There wouldn't be any drama if it was just "subscribes to/subscribed by."

[secondlina.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the message, I didn't want to make you feel shitty. I was just taken aback really. And as mentioned before - I like having closure on the why something is happening. I guess the message thing kinda makes me a jerk... Heh... Sorry again.

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

I was upset about the first one, but the second one really made me pause and think about what the hell I was doing.

I'm just the type of person who not only panicks, but tends to cause a mess when I'm panicking. I'm blind to what's going on around me, and I become the most inconsiderate person in the world.

So now I'm just confused. And it's my fault. So now I feel stupid, too.

Gah. Oh well, my fault, not yours.