Yeeeeah

[yukinoomoni]

So... I turned 30 on Saturday.

It's not as bad as it sounds. I had a wonderful time out to dinner with my family, and was glad that both of my older sisters could make it.

It just feels weird. I'm 30. But sometimes I feel either 60 or 15. It makes little sense. I certainly don't feel as if I've earned being 30. I haven't had any successes worth being proud of at the moment. My life is, at best, half over now.

All I can do is start to get serious about getting published. I really want to get something out there, anything, other than fanfiction that nobody reads much of and is never taken seriously ANYWAY. But I'm deeply afraid of rejection that will definitely come with trying to get published, and I lack the type of ego that can easily bounce back following rejection after rejection. And yet, if I write nothing, send nothing, nothing will happen. At least a stack of rejection letters shows that I at least tried.

Right?

I guess I should fully update, but save deep thoughts and fluctuating health of myself and my pets, I've got nothing.

I know I've missed a lot while I've been busy pissing away my time on Twitter and YouTube. Tell me what I've missed here, while I try to catch up on my own friends list.

Duuuuurp.

Comments

[sarajayechan]

Awwww! Happy belated birthday!

I recommend glimmertrain.com if you want to submit writing for publication. They have monthly rotations of contests and regular submissions...it costs $15 to have them read for contests, though, so the regular ones might be best to start with.

[agentjayhere]

Happy 30th. It was a few days ago, but do something to celebrate anyways.

My housemate's in his 40s and acts 20, so outside age has nothing to do with inside age. I'm personally turning 26 and don't have much to show for it either.
...I think it's what's inside that decides whether the outside efforts bear fruit or not. One has to decide to become the person they wish to be before they can overcome the main obstacles in their life, but the question is whether a person's obstacles should be conquered, endured, or sidestepped entirely.

By donning the mask of an artist, one can create beautiful poetry, and by donning the mask of a ruler, one can reign over heaven and earth. Trying on these roles is how people gain their roots in the world. In other words, saying "I'm an author" and behaving close to how you believe an ideal author should is probably the best way to actually become an author. Outside approval comes after that.

It's obviously easier said than done, but at the very least, whether a person fits the role they're in could be the reason life feels good for them or not. I've also tried on the role of "author" and failed to finish a single draft. All the stories had the hero's parents dying or the home they had floating in the skies crashing down to the ground underneath. I hadn't realized the important part of a depressing story is the "hope" that things will improve. I can't finish stories that lack a silver lining, so I can't expect readers to do so either.
So I couldn't take on the role of "author" fully because I had no clear image of what that role was in my mind, and I mistook my own depressed mood for the tone I should take in my stories. "The world's over for me, so I should write about death instead of cheering up." It's a bit absurd now that I write it all out.
What came out of my writing was depressing, so I've been taking a break since college and am slowly working my way up to trying it again.

However much of that speech applies to you, it's worth thinking about your reasons for writing. You have to make sure your reason's strong enough to deal with creating characters you value like children, and then revising them out of existence when they no longer contribute to the plot. In other words, a reason strong enough to erase your children (from the page). I suppose being a full-fledged author must teach one a lot about letting go.

Oh, and if you're asking what you missed, not much is happening in my life, so you can skip most of my journal entries since 90% of them are stupid. They're kinda like "this video game is funny" tweets except for being completely drawn out and boring.
I could fill you in on that trip I took to Japan last Fall if you're interested, though.