Chaotic Insanity

The following is a conversation via text-message:

Dad: Need xmas list.
Me: Love and Joy.
Dad: Fine. Will get you world peace.
Me: Thnx

Toner Driver: Your open sign's not on.
Me: What! *gets up and rushes to the back to correct this*
Toner Driver: No wonder you're able to just sit there with your thumb up your bum.
Me: Up my nose, not my bum.

I'VE TAGGED MY WHOLE GODDAMNED JOURNAL!!!

I forgot a tag for Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, but damned if I'm going over this sludge pit of a journal again. Fuck.

Phone: *rings*
Me: Good afternoon, InkJet Sales.
Lady: Hi, I was wondering if you carry the HP 60 ink cartridges.
Me: Yes we do. *rattles off the prices*
Lady: Okay, thank you.

Ten minutes later...

Phone: *rings*
Me: *sees that it's the same caller ID as before, but picks up anyway* Good afternoon, Inkjet Sales.
Lady: Hi, I was wondering if you carry the HP 60 ink cartridges.
Me: *hesitating* Yes, we do. *gives the prices again*
Lady: Thank you.

Ten minutes later...

Phone: *rings*
Me: *suspiciously checks the ID, only to find that it's THE SAME WOMAN AS THE LAST TWO TIMES*
Me: ... *lets the voicemail get it*
Voicemail: The Same Lady: Hello, I was wondering if you carried the HP 60 ink cartridges...

Yeah. Never a dull moment at InkJet Sales!

I was invited to a lunch date with Dad, Mary (my stepmother) and the two brats (James and Shari) in order to celebrate Shari's 16th, which I missed. It was really awesome, actually. Shari and I surprisingly got along, which was nice (we both requested to have kiddie place-mats and crayons to colour them with, which was fucking hilarious).

Somehow, the conversation came to my family originating from aliens.

"Uh, how?" I wondered.

My dad sighed. "Just think of your grandfather. Throughout all my my childhood I had to put up with this: When he needed to sleep, all he did was imagine a huge zero in his mind and he was out like a light."

I stared. "What?"

He nodded. "It's true. He just thought of a zero."

"The number?"

"Yes. Worked every time."

What the fuck. No wonder I'm insane.

Also, GIP. Because the icon is amazing and I'm going to use it as many times as I can while I can =D.

yukinoomoni: ....TOUCH MY FRIEND
yukinoomoni: *TOUCHE
the_flowergirl: I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH YOUR FRIEND
the_flowergirl: UNLESS IT'S ME
yukinoomoni: Holy shit
yukinoomoni: LMAO
yukinoomoni: TOUCH THEM
yukinoomoni: DO IT FAST
the_flowergirl: STOP IT TARAAANG
yukinoomoni: OH GOD
the_flowergirl: THAT IS REALLY HARD TO SAY
yukinoomoni: TARAANG
yukinoomoni): JESUS CHRIST LMAO
the_flowergirl: IT'S LIKE A SARONG, EXCEPT IT'S A TARAAANG
yukinoomoni: CALL ME THIS FOREVER
the_flowergirl: WHY?
the_flowergirl: BUT IF YOU INSIST
yukinoomoni: BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING HILARIOU
yukinoomoni: S
the_flowergirl: AND ONLY IF YOU REMEMBER TO SPELL IT WITH THREE A
the_flowergirl: S
yukinoomoni: LIKE TARARARARARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG
the_flowergirl: HAHAA NO

Toner Guy: *walks in*
Omoni: *closes window on computer*
Toner Guy: You should be smiling when you look at porn!
Omoni: ...IT'S SERIOUS BUSINESS.

For the record, I was not (really) looking at porn (does capslockkataang count as porn?)

I was sweeping the store when the morning Purolator driver came in. I love this guy. He's so funny and cheerful, and he always takes my bitching with a grain of salt, as it was meant to be taken.

Paul: *watching me sweep* You know, my truck is pretty dirty.
Omoni: Too bad.
Paul: It's okay. I can wait until your done.
Omoni: *grumbles*
Paul: Oh, my, you're in a bad mood today.
Omoni: I'm actually not. If I was, you would know it. You've seen it.
Paul: Oh yes, I've seen it. I've FELT it.
Omoni: ...*considering* It really is something that is felt, isn't it?

Truer words have never been spoken.