Hm

[yukinoomoni]

Also, I've noticed that, due to the internet going down at work, I've been using LJ less and less. I also found that, while I enjoy reading my LJ, I don't really care as much. No one comments much here, and while that sounds like bitching, it's not. I know you all have lives. But at the same time, I wonder if I even have an audience, or if I'm writing here more for other people rather than myself.

It's really something to think about, anyway. Because of my sensitivity paired with LJ, I've caused myself alot of pain and angst over bullshit. So I wonder, why am I writing here?

I got an LJ, ultimately, for Terry. He was the one who gave me a code, and we used LJ to write to eachother and about eachother. As time progressed, it graduated to something to angst in, to write about daily occurances, and also for writing and posting pure crap.

But now?

I've been having this feeling lately that electronics will be going down. I don't know why, so I've been trying to limit my usage as much as possible. That being said, I don't to lose contact with people that I care about. I remember pushing so many people to get LJ to communicate with me, only to find those journals abandoned or unadded.

So what was the point?

I suppose I'll keep writing. I always have alot to say. And I really should be using this for myself over others, but I do like knowing that people are reading about me, learning about me, and knowing that I'm okay.

Bu-lah. Whatever. You all know that once I get the internet back at work I'll be back to posting like a retard every day. But it's still interesting to think about, don't you think?

Comments

[littlelippy.livejournal.com]

i try to comment as much as I can...but I dont see you comment on my entries as much as before! (not that I mind, but...*points this current posts*)

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

Like I said, it's not so much about comments or even people in general. It's more along the lines of who I'm supposed to be writing for, myself or others, and which makes me feel better in the end?

I personally think that I should always write for myself. When I start to write as a chore then there's a problem.

[littlelippy.livejournal.com]

yeah, i always try to keep in mind that, if this would be a REAL journal, i would be only writing to myself....but instead I write much for others.

Otherwise I'd just delete this shit. Because only strangers (and you) read my journal.

[resonant.livejournal.com]

*is strange, but not a stranger*

[littlelippy.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, you are right, and I forgot about you! <3

[ether-rag.livejournal.com]

i love your entries, i'm just a bad commenter..

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

That's actually good to know. Thanks.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

It is the audience thing, isn't it? The people you want to comment never do so when you're want them to, or they comment the wrong way, and telepathy never works. I mean, you can't just point to people and say, "SAY SOMETHING". I've decided that people will say what they will, whenever they will.

Some people can be social butterflies on the internet, but I don't think relying heavily on the Internet for social things is a good habit. Maybe to get them started, sure, but people should have something in real life to fall back on. I mean, the postal system is one such invention, but you know what I mean, right?

...I think it's fine to be friends with people whether you're two bus passengers going to different destinations or not. It's the way you meet a lot of interesting people, and the only way for you to get out of a cramped social situation is to change the scenery. The main dangers are where people try to know everyone and end up knowing no one, or if people can only view relationships as passing things.

In the modern world, relationships are less built-in to things, so people are expected to make use of the freedom they have to find something that satisfies them. But that freedom feels more like a box when you don't know what to do with it or even what you want out of a relationship.

If people don't follow the crowd, presumably they "deserve" the sense of alienation that comes from it, but I don't buy that. I hate people who fit themselves into a crowd. Of course, calling people "the crowd" with distaste is a sign that you don't like these crowds people seem to fit into... The reason why I wonder if I'm arrogant is partly because I'm not interested in people who are quick to follow norms.

...basically, if some hypothetical person is talking about how funny "that one episode of The Family Guy" is, then pulls out an iPod, s/he isn't going to look really interesting to me. There's also a lot of people on campus who gleefully flout norms, but there's a fine line between acting weird and actually having individuality. I think the end result is that I end up feeling pretty dismissive of strangers.

I don't know, hearing strangers talking about how good something popular is makes me annoyed. They call it "small talk" but I just get this image of everyone watching the same thing, discussing the same damn show everyone else watches, and I can't tell if they do this out of laziness or because it's easier to agree on which movie to go to if you're not too particular about it. It just makes me feel that everyone would turn generic if they were all this way, even though I might be pointing at people and calling names.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

The kind of person that interests me the most is...hmm, someone who would spend all day in the library finding something time forgot, instead of boring typical hobbies? Or someone who would spend a day touring the odd shops of downtown never buying anything? Artists who try to capture the oddities of another's expression instead of caring about what the teacher says?

I find this kind of person interesting, but they're hard to find, and they're never whimsical about the things I want them to be whimsical about. I don't really know how to explain it and I wonder if this half-articulated wish is just me rambling. I guess I can't help but say that most people are boring. You're not boring, of course, and I know some people that might have something unique if I dug deeper, but I guess I want to find someone who you can tell has the spirit of independence from a mile away.

I mean, I get mad at people for trying to look unique and looking weird instead. Dreadlocks don't belong on white people. Having a fashion sense with the message that you are anti-consumerist is stupid and doesn't look that great on anyone. And I don't like it when people skateboard around with their arms waaay out taking up public space and making noise--there's a damn skating rink next to the mall, so go be noisy there. Don't think you're getting complements from me.

I don't really know why skaters are especially annoying, but maybe it has to do with someone taking up more room and being noisier than I am, and showing off to boot. And it's a stereotypical hobby for guys, and it's the morning and someone has to take up the area in front of the benches with a hobby that screams "LOOK AT ME, WORLD! I AM SKATEBOARDING!" while I'm discreetly walking and trying to avoid glaring at people. I have a destination. He does not.

...I somehow feel mocked whenever skateboarders are around. And I just don't know why. Another reason is that this kind of person would be popular in high school, so maybe it's bringing up old grudges even though I don't know who the grudge is attaching to?


...anyways, I think socializing is hard, and it has everything to do with who you're socializing with.

I also think that it's odd that I have suddenly developed this incredible hatred of skateboarders, but with the noise a skateboard makes, maybe that's reason enough. The only worse sound is someone practicing on their drum set adjacent in the next dorm building during the middle of the night. Loud people should DIE. With DEATH. Lots and lots of it.

p.s.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

Do you know how some people are only quirky in a superficial sense? Like they have some hobbies that aren't prepackaged, but you get to know them and they're really following some kind of crowd anyways?

I don't know what I really mean by that, but if someone agrees "we should hang out" and then repeatedly forgets about what you suggested, that person probably doesn't care about you in particular, right? ...it's that "in particular" part that bugs me. Someone who says "G'night, I love you all" but never actually pays attention to people as individuals...
...it's too casual. She probably doesn't care, so I shouldn't care either. I think I was just trying to make something work that would never work, especially since her circle of friends is likely full.

I just don't like it when people say they'll accept you and then more-or-less ignore you unless you speak up, because there's so many other people to be heard over. I was friends with the most popular kid in high school, but he was in too many places to actually pay attention to the people he surrounded himself with. So I'm wary of people who follow the same pattern.

Re: p.s.

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

Goodness.

That was more about social interaction than writing about LJ.

You wrote it very well, though.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

I kinda went off topic. I guess LJ is whatever people use it for?

[secondlina.livejournal.com]

Meh, most people have more readers then they think, it's just that there is very little commenting.

The writting really ain't bad at all though, that's why I read XD

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

That's a good point, too. You never know who reads. There are silent viewers, too (especially some readers that I don't want to read it either).

Blah, I should relax.