Hm

[yukinoomoni]

Also, I've noticed that, due to the internet going down at work, I've been using LJ less and less. I also found that, while I enjoy reading my LJ, I don't really care as much. No one comments much here, and while that sounds like bitching, it's not. I know you all have lives. But at the same time, I wonder if I even have an audience, or if I'm writing here more for other people rather than myself.

It's really something to think about, anyway. Because of my sensitivity paired with LJ, I've caused myself alot of pain and angst over bullshit. So I wonder, why am I writing here?

I got an LJ, ultimately, for Terry. He was the one who gave me a code, and we used LJ to write to eachother and about eachother. As time progressed, it graduated to something to angst in, to write about daily occurances, and also for writing and posting pure crap.

But now?

I've been having this feeling lately that electronics will be going down. I don't know why, so I've been trying to limit my usage as much as possible. That being said, I don't to lose contact with people that I care about. I remember pushing so many people to get LJ to communicate with me, only to find those journals abandoned or unadded.

So what was the point?

I suppose I'll keep writing. I always have alot to say. And I really should be using this for myself over others, but I do like knowing that people are reading about me, learning about me, and knowing that I'm okay.

Bu-lah. Whatever. You all know that once I get the internet back at work I'll be back to posting like a retard every day. But it's still interesting to think about, don't you think?

Comments

p.s.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

Do you know how some people are only quirky in a superficial sense? Like they have some hobbies that aren't prepackaged, but you get to know them and they're really following some kind of crowd anyways?

I don't know what I really mean by that, but if someone agrees "we should hang out" and then repeatedly forgets about what you suggested, that person probably doesn't care about you in particular, right? ...it's that "in particular" part that bugs me. Someone who says "G'night, I love you all" but never actually pays attention to people as individuals...
...it's too casual. She probably doesn't care, so I shouldn't care either. I think I was just trying to make something work that would never work, especially since her circle of friends is likely full.

I just don't like it when people say they'll accept you and then more-or-less ignore you unless you speak up, because there's so many other people to be heard over. I was friends with the most popular kid in high school, but he was in too many places to actually pay attention to the people he surrounded himself with. So I'm wary of people who follow the same pattern.

Re: p.s.

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

Goodness.

That was more about social interaction than writing about LJ.

You wrote it very well, though.

[takashi-jo.livejournal.com]

I kinda went off topic. I guess LJ is whatever people use it for?